what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
