Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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