Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize