But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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