I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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