I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
