Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
