he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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