my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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