you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
