and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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