My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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