Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
