youre lurking in front of me
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
