you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The beer is more important than you right now.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
