fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
