Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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