You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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