Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
