No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
