he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
