I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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