I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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