Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
