I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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