How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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