What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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