and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
