in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
