i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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