I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
