turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
