OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
