Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
