I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
