i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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