singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize