I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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