I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
