I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
