Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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