I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
