my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
