Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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