i would punch a child for taco bell
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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