i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
