loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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