I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
