so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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