Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize