3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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