It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
im holly from the hills drunk
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
