I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
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