Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
