Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
