just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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