She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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