There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
