My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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