i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
