They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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