after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
