Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
