so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
