I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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