I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
