My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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